personal | coming out...about cannabis

A year ago I would have been terrified to talk about weed on a podcast, much less attach my name to it and share it on my personal Facebook page. The legal ramifications are a valid consideration but to me it went beyond that: I was scared what my loved ones would think. 

I grew up in a household and a community with a zero tolerance policy. Drugs were bad, point blank, period. They made you stupid and got you arrested and would lead you down the path to hell (not really, but if you did DARE you know I'm not far off.) When I got older and began to think for myself I realized this wasn't true at all and began medicating with cannabis, but kept it a secret from my family and most of my friends. I knew I was doing something right, but I knew that many of them still had negative feelings towards pot and I was worried to face their judgment. 

I "came out" to my mom a month or so before I was issued my med card. It wasn't totally intentional--I mentioned to her my interest (at the time) to work at a dispensary (I've since decided I'm better behind the scenes and glad for it!) and the conversation just kind of progressed from there. 

My mom and I had a really productive conversation that day, and while I know she still has reservations about some of what I do, I think we accomplished a lot that day. 

Coming out to the people you love is scary. Putting yourself on the line for rejection--for disappointment, for shame--can be really frightening. Today I'd like to share a few of my tips for making the best of that conversation and talking to your family about weed.

1. Determine your objective

What is it you want to accomplish in this conversation? Do you want your loved one to understand marijuana's medicinal benefits? Are you trying to come out about your own use? Maybe you're suggesting it as an option for someone who's got a negative impression of cannabis themselves. Weed is a vast topic and an emotional one, and the conversation can easily get steered off the rails if you don't know going in exactly what you want to do. It may turn out that your conversation ends much broader than you intended and if so that's great! But you'll want to start with a clear objective before you even start to chat. 

2. Keep your audience in mind

Talking to your mother about marijuana may be different than talking to your sister, or your grandmother, or your boss or anyone else. Think about whom you'll be talking to and keep their experiences in mind. If your loved one has had a negative experience with drug addiction, keep in mind that they may be wary of marijuana, lumping it into the same category. You will really want to tailor your argument to their experiences and perceived knowledge. You might use yourself as an example of positive and productive pot use. On the other hand, if you're talking about pot with a colleague or a professor, you may not want to mention your own use at all and may rely more on statistics than any sort of anecdotal evidence. 

On that note, be aware of the surroundings of your audience as well. It may not be a good time to bring it up if you're in an argument, or if they're feeling especially stressed. We can't always control the environment around us but by being mindful about when you begin this conversation, you can take a fair amount of anxiety and emotion out of the conversation. As an aside: it's ultimately up to you to choose the best platform to share your message, but if you're talking to a family member or a friend I would highly recommend to have this conversation in person. Text conversations can be misinterpreted and being together better ensures ending the conversation on a positive note.

3. Do your research

I can't stress this one enough. Research, research, research! If it's appropriate for the conversation it might not be a bad idea to bring along some printed materials. 

The good news about being a marijuana advocate is that all the research is on our side. There are studies abound to support marijuana's claims of medicinal value; to debunk the claim that it's a "gateway drug"; and even to suggest that prohibition wasn't only a breach of our civil liberties but a decision based in racism. Whatever you are trying to say, there is a resource to back you up. Research and hard facts often hold up better than emotional or anecdotal evidence, so it is always a good idea--no matter how personal your conversation will be--to have a few facts and resources available to support your case. 

There are SO many places to gather your facts that I can hardly list them here! Netflix and Hulu have a number of documentaries; stoner targeted media such as High Times or Leafly will have a few resources; and when in doubt, NORML is my go-to. Additionally, many of our dispensaries have leaflets that describe medical use and safety information, and your budtender may be able to point you in the right direction for specific information. In this case, Google is your friend! 

4. Listen 

Once you've said your peace, shut your mouth and listen. This is the hardest part but it is by far the most important. This is where breakthroughs happen. 

Depending on a variety of factors, your audience's response may vary from surprisingly accepting to angry, or scared, or confused. They are entitled to their own emotions and as difficult as it may be, you should try to respect their reaction. 

When I talked to my mom, after I told her what I was doing and why it worked, her biggest fear was my safety. She didn't want me to be arrested for trying to take care of myself, or potentially harming my body or putting myself in danger trying to get my medicine. 

Listen to those fears. Listen to the feedback your audience is providing and really take it in. If it's appropriate, counter their point or help ease their fears. 

Once I knew my mom was worried about my safety I was able to tailor my discussion even further to put her at ease. I explained the patient program and the protections I was afforded with my card (and reminded her that with the card, I could go into a well guarded, lit and secured dispensary to safely buy my medicine.) I shared statistics with her about how many people are hooked on pain meds--the same meds I would take regularly before I found cannabis--and by contrast how many people have found relief and have improved their lives with pot. Listening to her helped me form a better argument, sure, but it also strengthened our bond and gave that discussion that much more credibility. We walked away closer to being on the same page than we'd ever been before, and while I'm not sure my mom is TOTALLY on board, I know she accepts this part of me and that's all I could ask for. 

5. Dealing with opposition, or knowing when to back away

That said, there will be times that the conversation doesn't go the way you want. Maybe the person is hostile, or worried for you (see above) or maybe they feel threatened. 

Know that some people will not change their minds whatever you say. Some people profit off prohibition and it is more beneficial for them to oppose legalization. Other people may be too caught in their own experiences to truly open their hearts and their minds to you. 

If you do choose to counter address their points, do so with respect. Try to avoid emotional outbursts and angry statements. Don't put your audience down or degrade them or their views. Imagine how you might feel if the roles were reversed and you disagreed with them.

Most importantly, know when to walk away! This is a big one. Don't continue to fight to the point that your message is diluted and you're causing yourself stress. Excuse yourself from the conversation, thank them for their time, and if it's appropriate try to revisit it in the future. Remember that this is a LOT for some people to wrap their brains around and just as you have likely built your relationship with MJ over time, they will have to do the same.  

Now that I've shared my tips I'd love to hear from you. Have you "come out" to anyone in your life? How did the conversation go and what is your tip to someone trying to do the same?

Until next time!